Recently something terrifying happened to me. Maybe a slight over exaggeration, however I did find myself in a dark hole. Struggling to dig my way out and get myself together. In the past few years I have become the type of person who cannot stop going. Constant to – do lists. Continuous training or studying or working. Even on a Saturday night when ‘chilling’ at home I am wondering what I could be doing to maximise my time. And I feel bad for sitting around doing nothing. I was recently told by a friend, I was not to get out of my PJs until at least 10am on a Sunday morning. It was a serious struggle to do this as I had things to get done and I needed to be in clothes to do them! This simple task should not be a struggle. Another time I was told I was to watch the full of ‘Sunday Brunch’ before I moved. Another serious struggle as it doesn’t end until 12:30pm. I could have half a day’s work done by then!
When I came back from my recent trip abroad. Where I did actually relax and chill out. I found I was in a kind of slump. I didn’t want the next day to come, as it meant I had to get back on the continuous rollercoaster that never seems to slow down or stop. But I also thought it would be great to get back to the comfort of my routine. So I was looking forward to it.
The next day arrived, but I didn’t. I physically could not get out of bed. I felt miserable because the day was passing and I wasn’t being anyway productive. So I thought let’s just call this day a right off and start again tomorrow. But honestly I couldn’t. Motivation was gone, enthusiasm was gone, and energy was defiantly gone. With no training or study or cooking. I had left the building! I had this image that my previous life was running on a race track and that once I started the race I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t even slow down.
So what did I do?
I decided my body was telling me I needed time. Time to do nothing; to read books, watch ‘the kardashians’ – yes I am ashamed, walk the dog, cook, eat, watch films, day dream etc. I spent a full week doing this. And while this may seem like bliss for most. It was something I actually really struggled with. I had a feeling of guilt, guilt for not studying, not writing a blog post, not training. I do recognise that I am on my summer holidays and so had the luxury to take a week out. While others may not have this luxury. But if it means simply taking 10 minutes out of your day to do nothing then that’s what you do.
Did I find my mojo?
Of course I did. I knew it wasn’t gone forever. The following week I woke up with an actual spring in my step. Life resumed as normal. With more energy and excitement. I made those lists and I got things done. Although I had vowed to put some changes in place or at least start working on making change.
What I learned
So why am I writing a blog post telling everyone about my ‘dark’ place. I suppose because I feel I can’t be the only person who doesn’t know how to slow down or how to stop. Sometimes we just need to be told by someone else to stop. Stop, reflect and work on balance. I was told to stop by my two bestie bloggers wellanicity and artbycarmelbehan. So now I am passing on the message to you. My reason for the wholesomenut blog is to be accountable for my actions. So while food is a major part of it, so too is my overall wellness. If this is not on point there is not much point in worrying about the food I put into my body. Mind first, body later.
I have learned that I need to designate time to each individual task I want to do. But I need to designate down time too. I need to spend time with my friends; coffee dates, girl’s night out, walking the pups, along with doing absolutely nothing. Otherwise it all gets too much and comes crumbling down. Everyone has a different journey and a different way to live this journey. I would love to be more chilled out and relaxed and I am sure others would love to procrastinate a little less. But whichever way you work best, it doesn’t matter, once it works for you and you have balance in your life.
This is going to be a journey for me. I can’t expect everything to change overnight. So I am working on finding the balance each day. Today I am writing this blog post while having a coffee in town. I would never have done this a month ago as it would mean I would waste 40 minutes coming into and back out of town. How ridiculous is that? If you recognise this in yourself, maybe stop and take a step back. Now I’m off, I need to get home to walk the dog, finish an essay, cook and finish painting the bedroom. See it’s certainly a journey.
Have fun finding your balance.
The wholesome nut x